From Rock Bottom to Financial Freedom

Oh to be 18 years old again. I was fresh out of high school, newly in love, and I had my whole life ahead of me. Unfortunately, I had experienced something very tragic. One month after I had turned 18, and I mean 1 month to the day, my father passed away. He fought a long battle against alcohol addiction which he eventually lost. The adult life I had longed for during most of my teen years was not going to be the fun fantasy I had envisioned. No, it was time to grow up and I had to do it while experiencing grief for the first time. Let’s just say I didn’t do a good job.

Growing up, I had a pretty privileged life. My dad was a Chief Master Sergeant in the USAF, I was an only child, and I got whatever I wanted. We weren’t rich, but my dad did pretty well. He did have the highest enlisted rank and was at the highest pay grade. We always lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. My dad bought himself a new car every few years, and I was always wearing nice clothes from mall stores. I would have LOVED to be able to spoil my kids the same way my dad spoiled me. Unfortunately, his addiction to alcohol won over his dedication to me.

In January of 2007, I graduated high school. I had transferred to the district alternative school in the fall, finished up my credits, and then I was officially a graduate. I was so happy to be done with school. Everyone encouraged me to start taking some college classes right away, but I just wanted to take a little break to live my life. I had a job and now that school was over, I was going to go full time. I loved my job. I worked as a carhop at Sonic Drive-In. I got paid minimum wage, but I got tips every day, which was wonderful. I learned to become really good with my money. I learned how to budget, set aside for savings, and set a daily spending limit, all at the age of 17.

Life in the first few months after graduating was great. I was working full time, Monday-Friday, from 5:30am-2pm. I’d get off work, go hang out with friends, come home and hang out with my mom and our roommate, and then on the weekends I usually went out and partied or went and did something fun with friends. I felt like my adult life was off to a good start, but I knew I needed to figure out what I was going to do. I didn’t want to work at Sonic forever and needed to make a plan. I wanted to go to college eventually, but I knew my dad wasn’t going to be able to pay for it because he spent my college savings on a pool and hot tub (neither of which were hardly ever used). I decided to join the AirForce. It’s what my dad had done when he was 17 and he served for 28 years. I didn’t think I’d stick it out that long but I knew I at least wanted to try the experience and, of course, reap the benefits. I could travel and then eventually go back to school without having to pay for it.

I’ll never forget the day I told my dad I wanted to join. It was the first time in a while he had told me he was proud of me. It would also be the last time he ever told me that. Over the next few weeks, I was so excited to tell everyone that I was going to join the AirForce and go and make something of myself. What I wasn’t expecting was to have my whole life flipped upside down because of a man. That man was my first husband. I thought he had the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen on a man. If only I’d known the malice they could hold. He was older, by 6 and half years. I was still 17. Red Flag? Never heard of him! Yeah…I was a responsible teen, until it came to boys. Boys made me do stupid things. I don’t know why I cared about what they thought so much, but I did. I had low self esteem and I was always obsessed with the idea of being in love.

About 2 months after our relationship began, my dad was hospitalized. He had originally gone to rehab, but 2 days in he had a seizure, and then he slipped into a coma. It turns out, he hadn’t really had much actual food for a few months. Only booze. So, he essentially passed out from malnutrition. I’ll never forget the experience of visiting him in the hospital. Most of the time, he was unconscious. After he eventually woke up, they had to perform a tracheotomy on him. I don’t recall the reason, but talking became very hard for him after that. He sounded like RFK JR sounds now. Hehe. Sorry.

Anyway…

After 2 months in the hospital, my dad was transferred to an in-patient hospice facility. He was there for 5 days, and then he was gone from the world. I was already living with my boyfriend(ex husband) at this time. My mom and I had an argument one day and she “kicked me out”. Something I knew she didn’t mean, and even if she did, she didn’t have that power. I was paying rent at this point. But I took the opportunity to go live with my ex because we were still in the honeymoon phase and I wanted to be around him all the time. I had also been staying with him anyway because my car had been repossessed by the bank since my dad hadn’t been paying his bills for several months. We were sharing his truck while I saved up enough for a down payment on a used car.

After my dad passed, one of the first things we learned was that we would not be receiving any life insurance. When my dad retired from the AirForce, he denied the VA sponsored life insurance policy because he purchased a personal policy with a higher payout amount. Unfortunately, this was the mid 2000s which meant that autopay didn’t exist yet. Heck, online bill paying barely existed. If he had kept the VA sponsored policy, the premiums would have been automatically deducted from his pension checks. At least there would have been something. But since he stopped making payments, his policy lapsed and there was nothing.

I had no choice but to start my adult life with my own money. I always thought I would have my dad to help get me through those first few years of adulthood. I was not ready for this. 18 years later and I’m still not ready. I eventually bailed on the AirForce idea because I talked myself out of it. Honestly, I wasn’t grieving properly. I was trying to go on like everything was ok because I always knew I would lose my dad to his addiction. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon. He was only 47. My husband will be that age in 6 years and I’ll be there in just 11 years!

Eventually, the influence of my surroundings pushed me into a different direction with my life. My ex-husband's friends and siblings were all in their twenties. A lot of them were settling down and starting families already. Before I met him, the idea of having a baby terrified me. I didn’t want to become a parent until I was at least well into my twenties. But, when you’re around a bunch of people who all have this one experience in common, eventually you want to be part of the group. I fed myself all the reasons I should become a young mom and how we could make it work and not end up struggling and suffering like so many others do. I thought since we had this little village of other parents to help us out, we could still focus on building great lives.

I became a mom at 19 years old. I’ll never forget the night we brought our baby boy home. I remember being so excited to get a picture of him in his crib for the first time. And then I remember trying to go to sleep. Oh the things I have learned about parenting since that night. I quickly realized I was not ready for this parenting thing, but it was too late. I made the choice and now here we were. Me and this little person who looked at me with the most love in his eyes I’ve ever seen in another person. I knew I needed to do everything I could to give that perfect little boy everything in the world.

For several years, my ex and I worked hard to build a good life. We eventually moved to the PNW, got full time jobs working opposite shifts so we didn’t have to worry about child care costs, and bought a house in 2015 right after having our second baby boy. While my ex and I made good “business partners,” our marriage was the complete opposite. He put me through a lot of abuse for many years and I was too afraid to say anything to anyone. I was afraid of not being believed or being told I’m exaggerating or worse, being told I deserve it. After a decade of being together, I finally spoke my truth and told him how I felt. It was the most frightening and liberating feeling of my life.

The next several years were not easy. I was able to find love again and eventually remarried and had a third baby boy, but the drama my ex has caused me has been immeasurable. I have lost so much money. My credit score that used to sit pretty in the 700s is now embarrassing to even look at. The job market is terrible and the cost of living seems impossible. Oh yes, I lost my job of 8 years as well in the aftermath of my divorce. It felt as though everything was crumbling down around me and I just couldn’t seem to get a grip.

The things I have experienced have understandably caused some lasting effects on my mental health. These last 3 years in particular have felt like a never ending therapy session in my head where I am just constantly trying to work through all of my trauma that I pushed to the side for so long.

I’ve realized that working these hourly jobs are no longer a stable option. Climbing corporate ladders is not what I want to do with my life. I want to help people. That has always been something I’ve wanted to do. I just never knew how.

But then I learned more about the world of digital marketing and creating content. I learned about all of the ways you can use your experience and knowledge to earn an income from home. After giving so many hours and years to dead end jobs, I loved the idea of being able to stay home with my kids and still make money.

So here I am, all of these years later after losing it all a couple of times. A lot of people never recover from major life events. I refuse to be one of them. I refuse to let my children end up on the struggle bus because I didn’t do a good enough job as a parent. I want to help other moms who got an early start to motherhood find their independence again! I want to help the women who are financially dependent on their partners and want to have something for themselves. I want to help the women who need their own money to escape a bad relationship. I want to help the moms who have been working factory and warehouse jobs for a decade because it’s all they’re qualified to do. I want to help you!

Whatever your reason to want to learn more is, I want to help you get where you want to go! I’m tired of seeing the fire die in so many beautiful women because it was snuffed out by marriage and motherhood. It is possible to have all of the things! You just have to decide what deserves to stay or go. Do you stay stuck and try to get better results while doing the same thing over again? Or do you do something different and live a life you never imagined? I choose the ladder!

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I can’t wait to see your vision come to life!

xoxo–Amanda